Judge Your Neighbor As Yourself

 I've been pondering the commandment, "Love your neighbor as yourself." It seems like it's one thing not to treat people as well as you'd treat yourself, so that's one piece of it: if you're fairly good to yourself but approach other people with an attitude of indifference that you never have toward your own goings on, that's a problem.

On the other hand, to treat other people kindly, you first have to treat yourself kindly. After all, your behavior towards yourself is the only pattern you have by which to love someone else. You are your own practice ground when it comes to human kindness. Never has this been more true for me than now, when I'm mostly by myself a lot of the time or with helpless, innocent doggies. How do I treat myself? Am I internally harsh and impatient? Do I cut myself some slack when I make mistakes or don't meet a certain standard?

There's a fallacy I've fallen prey to that you can still love other people well even if you're not actually that loving toward yourself. It's not entirely false, which is what makes it appealing. You can love other people. But only to a point, and that point is an intangible, a secret something that stalls relationships and intimacy. 

So I'm beginning to see why all the common advice is "work on yourself"--it might be better phrased as, "work on loving yourself," because all these habits of generosity, gentleness, humor, putting things in perspective, and a light touch apply first to oneself. Then you can love your neighbor just the same.