Don't Be Upset

 "Don't be upset," my mother said to me, her 36-year-old daughter, as I cried in the entryway of her house on Boxing Day. And in those three words, I saw my entire childhood.

I wasn't allowed to be upset, not really. I wasn't encouraged to express my feelings. For a long time, I didn't think I had that many to express--mainly thoughts. Thoughts were ok, opinions, arguments, all those things. So one of the baseline things parents need to do for their children, teach them how to experience and move through emotions, wasn't done for me (or for any of my siblings for that matter).

Isn't that so normal, though? I would never have used the word "emotionally neglected" to describe myself and I'm sure you wouldn't either, even if you have been. Did you learn how to be sad, to be scared, to be angry, to be upset? Can you easily identify these, and more, emotions in your body in your everyday life, and, after identifying them, find healthy ways to move through the experience? Or instead do you repress, numb, distract, avoid, stew in, or spew your emotions?

My mom, at a certain point in life, homeschooled all five of her children at once. An objection to homeschooling is that parents, due to lack of education, may not be qualified to teach all of the subjects that would provide their children with a well-rounded education. In the same way, not all parents are qualified to teach their children about their emotions--because the parents haven't learned how to live emotions themselves. 

And it's not a subject you can send your child to any school to learn either; it has to be you, or probably at least a couple years of professional counseling. Maybe that sounds extreme but this isn't a drill: so many of us haven't passed emotional kindergarten but we're trying to function in the world as adults! On some level we probably know we're not qualified, and that's why so many of us shy away from having children of our own.

Jesus said, "Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them." And to you I say, let your inner child come to you, and don't hinder her. Let him express all those feelings he never got to express as a child, because no one was listening. Give her a voice for all the pain she felt, and if she cries, don't ignore her. Healing is for you, as is love. Stay gentle and you will find it.